Until then, each promising man is not actually “real.” He is merely hope, potential and fantasy.
Remembering this will save you a TREMENDOUS amount of trouble when you’re dating online.
You have an amazing evening, filled with easy conversation and laughter. You close the restaurant, end with a goodnight kiss, and a promise to do this again soon. In fact, you do a little more than that, but hold a little bit back. He says good night and tells you he’ll call the next day. As a result of this wishful thinking, Sandy was as hurt by this man’s simple email as she would have been if they’d been dating and broken up. She could have that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and lose sleep over how she’s going to replace him. As a result, Sandy wasn’t “losing” anything; she never had anything to lose. It’s not that Sandy was wrong to look at all the available signs and conclude that she had special connection with a special guy.
He texts you the next day to say he had fun, and instantly makes plans for the following Friday evening. He checks in during the week – a call here, an email there – not too needy, not too distant. I shared in Sandy’s pain, then informed her that she could respond in 1 of 2 ways: 1) She could be devastated that Mr. 2) She could realize that she’d never even MET this man. Anyone in her right mind would draw the same conclusion.
He’s been a great friend, and I know he’s a very kind person.
We all have our issues and cope with life differently.
It’s the difference in feeling between losing a million dollars (devastating) vs.
the feeling of NOT winning the lottery at all when you had 4 numbers (mildly irritating). When the contract is signed, the ink is dry, and you know, without a doubt, that your dating prospect has become your BOYFRIEND.It’s not because he’s an evil human being hell-bent on destroying your self-esteem. The reason your heart gets broken each time a new guy disappears is because you are SURPRISED when he disappears. Men disappearing is probably a semi-normal occurrence. And the reason it hurts so badly is simple: our expectations aren’t aligned with reality.It’s not because you will not be able to survive without him. Then why act so shocked and devastated when outcome is so predictable? What I want to do is show you how to manage them – to protect yourself from continual heartbreak. Sandy was a 45-year-old client living in rural Wisconsin.However, as you know, I can no more stop men from being men than I can stop the earth from turning.As such, your lesson, as a woman, is not to wish men acted another way, but to understand how they DO act and prepare yourself emotionally. We had our first date at The Fat Radish in the Lower East Side. However, I know that when an opportunity scares me, I must go for it. No matter what the outcome, it will certainly be an interesting experience. There is always one girl he’s really excited about, a second girl he’s been seeing for a few weeks and is starting to get bored with, and a third girl he’s been seeing a month or two and is getting ready to call quits.