I’m not sure how much more energy or time I really want to devote to this little project.
It was supposed to be fun – a way to just be part of the social dating world again for awhile and feel human again and loved again, because I’m finally ready for that and longing for that.
Here is just a short sample of a few of my first day chat conversations. Crushed because I’m 44 years old, and I am so tired of being alone.
He is very aware of how I feel, and he agrees that there is something between us, but now is not the right time. Perhaps if I could have that back in my life again here and there, I would be more content, and therefore, not be pushing my friend to go places he isn’t ready to go right now. If the feeling is mutual and you both want to talk, the chat box opens up and you can type back and forth. A few minutes later, I received this message response: “I will not be seeing you again. You do not look fat in your pictures on the site, but you are fat in person. Bye.” When I tried to respond back, he had made his account so that I could no longer reach him.So, we continue to be wonderful friends, and I have chosen to trust in the outcome, and to have faith in the possibilities and potential of what we might become. Plus, I really do feel this is coming from my husband Don, and he would never steer me wrong. This seemed like the most insane idea in the world to me when she suggested it, but the next day, I got an email from a popular dating site, offering one month free membership. NOTHING is anywhere near close to the same anymore. The purpose of this is to keep everything anonymous and safe at first, so you can chat within the confines of the site without giving out phone numbers or even names until you are more comfortable. He had disappeared with no explanation, as these men seem to like to do. Not because I give a shit what he thinks – I didn’t really even like him.I could look into this person’s face, and in it, I saw not only kindness and a beautiful soul, but also being around this person face to face gave me this overwhelming feeling of protection and safety – like Don had specifically chosen this man to protect me, because he could no longer do it himself. They DEMAND your number or demand to give you theirs IMMEDIATELY.) Carlos: Hey baby, I love brunettes. Any chance you are kind of bossy and could boss me around and tell me what to do, insult me a little? There was one guy who seemed normal, sweet, and we had a nice long chat online. We had talked in the mindless chat box, then on the phone twice, and he lives local-ish, so we agreed to meet up in the city at a Cuban restaurant.The details of why I feel this way don’t matter here, because I want to protect this person’s privacy, but the time we spent together over those few days was meaningful, beautiful, and the perfect mix of familiar and brand new, all in the same moment. He gave me his number and I called him, and we had a nice phone call too. In this one, he referred to his penis, several times, as “The Champ.” As in, “The Champ is so ready and big for you right now. The Champ is standing at attention.” Finally, I texted him back and told him that “The Champ” would be getting a call from the police soon, if he didn’t stop leaving me these sick voicemails. The evening was nice, but there was no spark between us.There are lots of reasons to buy a gift for your girlfriend.
Maybe there’s a holiday right around the corner, or maybe her birthday is coming up. For the first 3.5 years after my beautiful husband died, the very idea of dating or “someone else”, literally made me sick to my stomach.It made me feel physically ill, and I couldn’t even discuss it without having a slight panic attack.But they appeared in such a way and at such a time that it felt like it was meant to happen. This happened to me with 3 different people I was talking to.This person was not only a fellow widow(er), but also knew my husband. I am told by others that all of this is “normal”, and that you have to weed through all the crap in order to get to the good and decent guys that are supposedly on these things. No courtship of any kind, which is disappointing, because I really do love romance and courtship.I was in way too much grief to even come around to THINKING about how freakin’ lonely I was.