I learned from Linda that it takes a lot more to go for the gusto than it does to wallow in the resentment, self-pity, and dissatisfaction that are inevitable when we deny our heart's desires.
In the words of Bob Dylan, "He who isn't busy being born is busy dying." This applies not only to individuals but to marriages as well.The notion that we can put things on cruise control and sail through life together with a minimum of consciousness and engagement and still experience a high quality of life exists in the domain of fantasy, not reality.I didn't have much of these when I opted out of my game and into hers.But with Linda's help and support, I came to join her in what became our vision and eventually became an equal partner.What I hadn't factored in to the equation was the fact that my head wasn't the only part of me that was engaged.
As Blaise Pascal famously said, "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing," and my heart had it's own agenda. While the mind seeks a comfortable and easy relationship, the heart has other concerns.
Almost immediately after his accomplishment, other runners joined the sub-four-minute mile club.
Within a decade, several hundred runners had done what ten years previously had been seen as impossible. When Linda and I got married in 1972, I deliberately set my sights low.
Unless we marry for purely practical purposes (something that is relatively rare in contemporary Western culture) the desires of the heart need to be met and included in the equation.
To the degree they are not, we will be unhappy and unfulfilled regardless of how much security, status, or economic success we achieve.
Limited expectations generate a modest vision of what is possible and they can easily become self-fulfilling prophecies.