Bottom line, with any relationship, what matters is how she’s being treated, how she feels, what the two bring out in each other, and how they help each other be their best. A break from emojis, ghosting and selfies sounds like your sister may be on to something. I had a terrible, toxic relationship for 18 months that I left a few months ago. Our life experiences color and even distort the lenses we look through when we fall in love, in ways big and small, for better and for worse.
—Bystander Sister I know it’s tempting to try to psychoanalyze this, like: Is she searching for the emotional intimacy she may lack with your dad? Neither you nor I can know what’s truly going on for her.And more important, you haven’t given me any evidence it’s necessarily even a bad thing. Of course, if she someday ends up committing to someone who likely has very few years left, then that is not ideal — but there are no guarantees of life span no matter how old your partner.Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you are giving your permission for her to use your question as the basis of her next column, published online at Wonder Women.She may not be able to tell you that she is using your question, but will try to email you the reply if she does.They are both charming and attractive, but my ex was Jekyll and Hyde and was possessive and emotionally abusive. And I’d say that your insight into the looks-can-be-deceiving nature of your ex gives you added power to scrutinize. Sure, some manipulative and controlling people hide behind charm as a cover, whereas other people are thoroughly and good-naturedly charming all their lives.
It makes me not trust this initial persona that I see. You’ll only know more if you continue to be mindful, keep checking in with yourself and avoid going on autopilot.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working in International Health Care at University College London.
Petra studies sex and relationships and is The Telegraph’s agony aunt. Email your sex and relationships queries to: [email protected] Petra cannot offer individual responses or answer every single question.
I worry she’s setting herself up to be unhappy, or chasing something she’ll never get.
She says she falls in love with the person, not the age, and that some of her interests are better suited to older guys and that they don’t play as many games.
Perhaps all you need to say to them for now is this and that you’re glad they are happy.