A new view of relationships and their discontents is emerging.
We alone are responsible for having the relationship we want.
If you can accept it, that's fine—provided you don't start living in two separate worlds."What you don't want to do," he says, "is develop a group of single travel friends who, when they are on the road, go out and flirt with others.Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being.We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us.Ultimately, he stopped blaming his wife for their problems. "We're given a binary model," says New York psychotherapist Ken Page. People need a better set of options." Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it's all a dreadful mistake, says Boston family therapist Terrence Real. "It's an open secret of American culture that disillusionment exists.
I go around the country speaking about 'normal marital hatred.' Not one person has ever asked what I mean by that.It's not a sign that you've chosen the wrong partner.It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take responsibility for your own frustrations."She just didn't appreciate all I was doing to make her happy." He fed the babies, and he changed their diapers.He gave them their baths, he read them stories, and put them to bed.And to get it, we have to dig deep into ourselves while maintaining our connections.