Even when pop culture attempts to create gay male relationships there is rarely love-based discussions and grappling with choices that determine the fate of all involved parties.There is plenty of sex and upset but the complexity of what men being with men looks like often goes unseen and unexamined.
While we did not remain a couple for life, the opportunity to build something of substance that lasted damn near a decade is still a proud memory for me. —RSVP to join weekly calls on Conscious Intersectionality (Every Sunday)—We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to help #Stop Racism—as well as groups and calls to help some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. The Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year.Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). The Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form.My second and full on living together, constantly drama-filled torturous relationship began at 20 and ended at 23.Because I had no self esteem and had spent time being brutalized,my third shot at glory lasted a year.Reviewing all of these abysmal interactions and the subsequent fall out (which generally meant me crying,not eating and wailing “why don’t you love me ?
”) forces the realization that none of us knew how to date.
This one scene sums up the reality of most gay male coupling: we understand the mechanics of sex and yet are all thumbs when it comes to psychological and emotional commitment and understanding.
As a group who still remains largely defined by what we engage in sexually, it is difficult to resist the siren call of the mainstream and our subculture that says we don’t require tools for building and maintaining relationships and our relationships lack complexity and therefore should not be taken seriously.
We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment.
And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
The relationships that most of us saw were heterosexual and severely lacking in complexity.